there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
