soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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