I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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