The beer is more important than you right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
