Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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