i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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