ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
