see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
