saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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