3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
two words...techno handjob
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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