Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize