be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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