Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize