found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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