i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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