i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
did i just pee glitter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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