Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
