you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
