Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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