I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
