filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
