I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
