btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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