u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
