Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
