the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he shaved USA in his pubs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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