I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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