yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
