I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
People in love make me want to vomit
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
