just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
