Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
