Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
