I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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