i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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