I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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