went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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