we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
