I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
