Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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