He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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