Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
