dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
