hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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