And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
