I bet he comes in French.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You ruined the universe
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
