Don't make out with my wife yet
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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