Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
