batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize