When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need to align my fucking chakras
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