STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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