There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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