She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
