just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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