I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Say something about gay babies.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
