I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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