i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
