I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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