Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
