STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
