dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
