OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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