Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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