awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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