So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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