if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
