Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
