I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
