her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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