Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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