Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Even my vagina gasped.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
