hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
