dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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