"it" just moved
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
