this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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