the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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