the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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