I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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