I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
