wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
