somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
