I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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