he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
